


Railed and Derailed

by kiranerys42



Series: Sex Bloopers [21]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Dirty Talk, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Smut, interrupted smut, pedantic lecture, some queer feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:08:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25342963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiranerys42/pseuds/kiranerys42
Summary: David tries to fuck Patrick, but he gets distracted.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Sex Bloopers [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1423777
Comments: 20
Kudos: 177





	Railed and Derailed

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [And we lay nocturnal, speculate what we feel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25080352) by [EggplantSalad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggplantSalad/pseuds/EggplantSalad). 



> This fic is inspired by the wonderful [And we lay nocturnal, speculate what we feel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25080352) by EggplantSalad. Specifically, it was inspired by this line:
> 
> _David snorted, chose not to derail the scene with a pedantic, trolling lecture about all the different kinds of men who liked cock_
> 
> ...in this fic, David makes a different choice. 
> 
> Thank you to this_is_not_nothing for a quick beta read, and whetherwoman for the title.

“Yeah, oh fuck, David, give it to me; I want—harder, David—”

When they’d first started having sex, Patrick hadn’t been very comfortable with dirty talk. It still surprised David, sometimes, to think of how far Patrick had come since then—not that he was complaining. On the contrary, David was grateful that Patrick trusted him enough to let loose like this.

And, of course, it was really fucking hot.

“Yeah? Like this?” David twisted his hand and pushed his fingers deeper inside Patrick, just the way he knew Patrick liked it. God, Patrick was dripping wet; David had used so much lube, maybe too much, except that there’s no such thing as too much lube, not really. Thinking back to the early days of their relationship once again, David had to suppress a laugh as he remembered how Patrick had responded to David’s insistence on the importance of lube by buying a comically large pump bottle of lube. 

Of course, it turned out the joke was on Patrick—they’d used up that lube in record time. 

Patrick gripped the sheets and let out a moan. “Yeah, like—like that,” he stuttered, barely able to manage words. “I need—I need it, David, need you inside me, need—” One of David’s favorite things about Patrick’s newfound love of dirty talk was how rambly he got when he had something in his ass. “Need your cock, need you to fuck me, I— _please_ ,” and who was David to deny him, with begging like _that_?

“Yeah, shh, I’ll fuck you, I promise, just—give me a second.” David removed his fingers from Patrick as gently as he could, wiped his hand on the sheets (they were a lost cause by now, anyway), and fumbled for a condom. His hands were still slippery, and he cursed under his breath as the wrapper kept slipping out of his hands, but he didn’t want to keep Patrick waiting—

“David,” Patrick said. David looked up in surprise, because this wasn’t Patrick’s sexy voice; it was his overly honest confessions voice, and—well, this seemed like an odd moment for that sort of thing.

“I’m so gay,” Patrick blurted out. That was not at all what David expected to hear in that moment. He wasn’t sure what he _had_ expected, just—not that. He tried to keep the surprise off his face, because he didn’t want Patrick to feel bad, or self-conscious. 

“Yeah?” David prompted.

“Mmhm, I’m—you feel so good, um, inside me. And I’m—I didn’t know. I didn’t know I could feel this way. Um. Feel this _gay_.” Patrick smiled innocently as David groaned at the pun.

“Okay, but—” David fidgeted with the condom, which he was still holding in one hand, unopened. “You know that liking being fucked doesn’t make you gay, right? I mean. Straight men have prostates too.” 

“Oh, I know that, I just—”

“I mean, strap-ons aren’t just for lesbians; pegging has been pretty mainstream for _years_ now. _And_ ,” David continued, “not all gay guys like anal sex. I mean, I’m really grateful that _you_ like it, don’t get me wrong, but—plenty of guys don’t like it at all, or they only like to top, or—um—some guys only like fingers, or toys, but not, you know. Fucking.” 

“Okay,” Patrick said slowly. “I think you’ve made your point. Can we—”

“And _also_ ,” David interrupted. He knew he should stop, but now that he was on a roll, he had to see this thing out to the end. “Not every man who fucks other men is gay.” He bit his lip, the _like me_ left unspoken. 

“David. I know. I mean—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you—or that I’m—” Patrick scrunched his eyes closed in frustration and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Can you just fuck me now?”

David glanced down at his own waning erection, and noticed Patrick was in a similar state. With a sigh, he flopped down on his back next to Patrick. “I think we might need to start over. Or at least… a few steps before where we left off.”

“Yeah, I think that’s for the best,” Patrick agreed. But neither of them made a move, and they both just lay there, motionless.

David’s mind was racing. He took a few deep breaths and tried to clear his thoughts, but it was no use—he was well on his way to an ill-advised thought spiral, with no idea how to stop it. Patrick had _really_ been enjoying himself tonight. It had taken him so long to get comfortable with being more vocal in bed, and now David had ruined it; he’d ruined it all. Now, just because David couldn’t keep his _fucking_ mouth shut, Patrick might never want to open _his_ mouth again—

“Hey,” Patrick said softly, breaking the silence. Patrick rolled on his side and reached out to cup David’s face. David swallowed hard, blinked a few times, and turned to face Patrick. 

“I love you.” David was almost getting used to hearing Patrick say those words, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to the look on Patrick’s face when he said it—his wide eyes and soft smile said _I love you_ more loudly than words ever could. 

“I love you too,” David whispered.

“And—I love being gay.”

David raised his eyebrows. 

“And I love that I get to be gay—um, or, not straight— _with_ you,” Patrick continued, “because it means… it means I get to try new things, things I never even thought to imagine, before; things I didn’t know were possible. You make me—David, you make me feel ways I didn’t know were possible. You know that, right?”

David scoffed. “I know we have good sex, but ‘beyond the realm of possibility’ is probably overstating things a little.” 

Patrick laughed at that, and David couldn’t help but smile a bit, too. “I don’t just mean sex, David, although—yes, the sex really is that good. But what I mean is—I’ve learned so much about myself, since I met you, and I’m grateful that you were there to help me figure it all out. I know I could’ve done it without you, but in a way, I’m glad I didn’t, because it means I got to go on that journey with you by my side. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Patrick smiled. “Anyway, that’s all I was trying to say. I’m sorry it came out wrong, though.”

“It didn’t come out wrong,” David grumbled. “I was just being… difficult.”

“David,” Patrick said lightly. “You weren’t being difficult at all. In fact, before you got distracted, you were trying to be very accommodating of my request that you—uh—”

“Fuck you into the mattress? Fill you up with my cock?”

“I don’t think those are the exact words I used.”

“Oh, and what _were_ the words you used?”

Patrick kissed David thoroughly before reminding him, and this time, David gladly fulfilled all of Patrick’s demands.


End file.
